I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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