He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize