i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Every concussion has its silver lining
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
