They should really pass out barf bags in church
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
