I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
