Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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