is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
