what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
