How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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