she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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