If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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