Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
