your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
