to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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