I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My vagina is officially offended.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
