Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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