i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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