i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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