So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
