I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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