she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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