butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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