Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am naked and annoyed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
