everyone is single if you try hard enough
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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