My hand turned me down
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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