a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
