Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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