I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize