He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
