im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize