I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
