tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
