Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
