i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
