Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
