Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
