PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Two words: blizzard sex
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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