I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
