you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just cropdusted the office
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
