Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
