Pappa wants mamma naked
I look better un-naked...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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