Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
