I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize