You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
