I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
