it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
