I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
