I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
