So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
