i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
