I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
