Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how can u be prego again
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
