I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize