Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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