Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wear drunk well.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
