I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
