If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
