I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
