He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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