The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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