How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
