am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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