So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
