so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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