listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
