What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
