Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
