Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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