just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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