ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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