Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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