I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
