i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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