I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
