I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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