just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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