Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
