no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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