The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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