ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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