Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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