I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We have started to decorate penises.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
