i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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