I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
