im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
