he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize