Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
