Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
