Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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