he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
