i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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