I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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