Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
