Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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