And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
