I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize