I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
