i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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