Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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