The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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