So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
